Southwest of Cincinnati

I went out for brunch in Louisville today, at Lynn's Paradise Cafe, a place recommended by that former student of mine I met at the conference.

After days of eating late and badly -- the first night I was even forced to go to a Denny's that made the old Vallejo waterfront locale seem chic by comparison -- the excellence of the food was almost too much to bear.

But I survived, realizing along the way that my love of reliquified polenta with over-easy eggs swirled into them is basically a love for a classic Southern breakfast. Mmmmmm. I can't imagine a more satisfying -- or filling -- way to start the day, even if that starting takes place at 2:30pm. Did I mention that the biscuits were homemade and the coffee worthy of the Great Northern Hotel in Twin Peaks?

And I loved the decor of the place, although I must admit that the flat-panel screen above the men's room urinals was distressingly odd in that context.

Maybe I should get a painting of Louisville to hang above the ones in Modern Languages. It can cover up that perpetually reinscribed "No Mentoring Zone" grafitti.

Menuncertainty

Is there anyone whose menu hasn't recently changed? I'm sick of listening carefully. Even the Jack in the Box I was forced to stop at on the way home from the airport last night -- my blood sugar crash was not to be ignored -- presented me with a dizzying array of options. Let's hope Skylar doesn't accidentally read about all of their new ciabatta offerings. I'd hate for her to think that the place serves real food.

Nobody Expects the Tristero

Here's all the proof you'll ever need that the line between fact and fiction bisects a Moebius strip:

An armed man wearing a black, ninja-style mask was shot to death by a Healdsburg man this morning after he attacked the man's wife outside their home and chased her inside, police said.

The shooting happened about 7:30 a.m. at the end of Sunset Drive, a semi-rural street on the east side of town.

The woman was about to take the couple's two Wheaton terrier dogs for a walk when the masked man jumped her outside her garage, police said. The woman struggled, broke away and ran screaming into the house, with the attacker in pursuit.

Her screams awoke her husband. The man, whom police identified only as a man in his 60s, "grabbed their handgun, probably a .357 ... and fired more than one shot," Police Chief Susan Jones said.

The intruder "had what looked like a firearm in his hand," Jones said. He died at the scene. His identity has not been released.

The next thing you know, they'll be using human bones to make filter-tip cigarettes. Unless, of course, they already are using them, which is a distinct possibility. You know Dick Cheney would be smoking that shit.