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My morning missive from Google included a link to an entry compiling funny quotes, including several of my own:

Quotes from Professor Charlie Bertsch

"It's like the Macy's parade, only with Hitler."

"That's part of college. Making new friends who are just as pretentious and arrogant as you are. Otherwise you stay behind and work at Wal-Mart, keeping it real."

"When I'm speaking about Britney Spears, I'm really teaching you about life."

The best part is that they are 100% accurate, which is a rarity, as anyone who has been quoted in the newspaper can tell you. The Hitler quip, in case you were wondering, refers to a scene in Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of Will, during which the dark-haired dictator has numerous arm-rising events as he is driven through Nürnberg.