Gleichschaltung

It's all in the timing. With Oliver Stone's World Trade Center opening tomorrow and news of a foiled terrorist plot making the headlines, what better time to trot out the Republican most likely to remind wavering Americans why we can't afford to turn the keys to our future over to the Democratic Party?:

Now that's what I call synchronization. I wonder if Karl Rove has a written a novel. . .

Towards a Bigger Dragnet

I'm sick of reading about doped-up athletes. Whatever happened to doped-up rock starts? I mean, aside from the former Libertine who plunged Kate Moss into a life of sin, there simply isn't enough rumor. I want to hear about how Sufjan Stevens takes so many steroids that he actually thinks he'll finish his "50 States" project. I want someone to suggest that the forthcoming Killers album sucks because Mr. Flowers has a Mormon cough syrup habit. I want to learn that the reason that there are so many bands with lots of members -- I mean, I'm From Barcelona apparently has 29 of them -- because they are part of a heretofore unknown drug cartel. And I want Madonna to get arrested for illegal procurement of human growth hormone. Is that too much to ask?